


Kiss and Cry

by OtterlyDeerlightful



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Ice Skating, M/M, and Sportacus sucks at something, disguise time, magic in this AU is totally superfluous, relationships should not be built on lies, skating competition, what fresh hell is that about, wtf Robbie used to be active
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-05-22 00:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14925600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtterlyDeerlightful/pseuds/OtterlyDeerlightful
Summary: When Sportacus learns that there's an ice skating rink near his beloved LazyTown, he sees the perfect opportunity to learn a skill he never got to try in his youth. The only problem is, he can't skate to save his life...and he's already entered the upcoming competition. Is there anyone who can help him improve before making a fool of himself in front of all of his friends?





	1. In Which a Deal is Made

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thesherlockedavenger](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=thesherlockedavenger).
  * Inspired by [An awesome story idea](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/389031) by Sonja. 



> Believe it or not, this was the first LazyTown fic I ever started.  
> I realized like 2/3 of the way in that I REALLY needed to rework some major things, so it ended up on the back burner...and then I intimidated myself over how much work was involved. BUT! I've finally gotten off my lazy ass (sorry, Robbie) and started fixing it up.
> 
> I would also like to note that any similarities to Yuri on Ice are purely coincidental. As much as I've wanted to see it, I've literally put off watching the thing for over a year now in fear that it would influence this stupid fic by accident XD I hear it's a great show, but I won't let myself watch any just yet...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“But I’ve _got_ to go!” Ziggy whined in reply to everyone’s moans of disappointment. “Mom made her homemade fudge!” he proclaimed. “If I’m late for dinner there’s no _way_ she’ll let me have any tonight and I can’t miss it!”

With that sound reasoning, none of the children could think of a response that could change the boy’s mind. So, they resigned themselves to their fate of being down one playmate for the rest of their game. They all bade Ziggy a friendly farewell for the evening and tried to finish up their last game of basketball. Sportacus quickly volunteered to leave the match to make up for the now lopsided numbers. Of course, that didn’t stop him from running up and down the court with them and cheerfully encouraging their fun and abilities.

“I saw that, Stingy!” the new referee warned playfully from the sidelines. “Remember, you have to _dribble_ the ball.”

“But it’s _mine_ ,” the boy wheezed as he continued to run.

“Come on, Stingy, pass it!” Trixie demanded from farther down the court, trying to find a better vantage point to catch any incoming pass while Pixel tried his best to block her view of her teammate.

“No!”

Stephanie saw her opening and grabbed for the ball, smacking it out of the dapper boy’s hands. Her sneakers squeaked in protest of her short stop and she sprinted back the other way to the opposite basket.

“Hey! That’s _mine_!” Stingy shrieked when he realized what had happened.

Trixie groaned in frustration. “I _told_ you to pass it!” she complained angrily before taking off after Stephanie.

Sportacus shook his head as he followed the action from near the sidelines. “Stingy, you need to share the ball with your teammates to play the game,” he gently coached, trying to split his attention between the pouting boy and the rest of his young friends.

“But it’s _my_ ball, why should—”

“Because _that_ happens!” Trixie cried, throwing her hands in the air in complete exasperation as Stephanie’s throw fell perfectly through the basketball hoop. “ _Argh!_ ”

Stephanie cheered, jumping up and down at her accomplishment.

“Great job, Stephanie,” Sportacus complimented. “That was a very good throw.”

“Yeah,” Pixel chimed in, out of breath from trying to catch up with Trixie. “That shot was perfect! _And_ , according to my calculations, that’s game point! We won!”

Stephanie and Pixel exchanged triumphant high-fives while Trixie shot Stingy a dirty look. Sportacus rolled his eyes and was about to say something to remind the children that winning wasn’t the end goal when playing a game with friends, but Stephanie beat him to it.

“Don’t worry, guys. I bet you’ll beat us next time. What’s important is that we all had fun, right?”

Trixie kicked a small tuft of grass that had been attempting to grow out of one of the blacktop’s cracks and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right…and that _was_ fun.”

Even Stingy reluctantly agreed that he had had a good time, although no one was surprised that he went to retrieve the basketball for his own almost immediately after the words had escaped his lips.

“I think everyone is ready for a water break,” Sportacus announced as he called to his ship to produce a bundle of water bottles for the children. “I want to make sure you’ve all had something to drink before you head home.”

He got no complaints from the thirsty youths and the group retired to a nearby bench to cool down. Trixie seemed to perk back up once the liquid hit her tongue and she plopped herself down next to Stephanie.

“So, Pinky, you give it any thought yet?” she asked.

Stephanie suddenly looked uncomfortable and gave a timid shrug. “I dunno.”

“Aw, come on! It’s gonna be fun! You should do it!”

“I dunno,” the girl repeated as she tried to focus more on the water in her hands than on her friend. “I haven’t thought up what to do for it yet.”

“Well you better start brainstorming ‘cause the deadline’s this Friday. Please?”

Stephanie only nodded, but this seemed to satisfy the other girl and she left Stephanie alone, announcing that she, too, had to run off for dinner. Pixel and Stingy soon followed, and soon the only people left in the sports park were Stephanie and Sportacus.

“Ready to head home?” the man asked.

Stephanie nodded.

Sportacus hopped off the wall he had perched himself upon and offered the young girl a hand, pulling her up from the bench. He let her feet leave the ground for a second before safely setting her back down. Usually she loved it when Sportacus did that, relishing the sense of weightlessness before she plopped back down to earth, but this time she only gave a small smile. No giggle, no ‘thanks, Sportacus!’ The blue-clad hero frowned with concern.

“Stephanie, are you alright?” he asked. “I thought you had fun today.”

“I did,” she said, though she shrugged. “Just thinking about other things is all. I guess I’m just a little distracted.”

“Distracted by what? Can I help?” he asked as he slowly herded her back toward the path to her house.

The pink-haired girl shrugged again. “I dunno. It’s kind of silly…”

Sportacus gave his young friend a grin. “If you haven’t noticed, I like silly,” he teased, emphasizing his point by flipping and walking on his hands instead of his feet. That got a genuine smile out of her. “So what is bothering you?”

The girl walked along, keeping her eyes down as she held her still partially-filled water bottle in both hands. “It’s just…there’s a talent show at school and Trixie really wants me to sign up for it.”

“A talent show? That sounds like fun!”

Sportacus tumbled forward to jump back to his feet.

“Yeah, to watch maybe. I _do_ want to be in it, but I’m kinda scared to. I don’t even know what I’d do for an act, and I’ve got to pick something by the end of the week. It’s too late to learn something new, and everything good is probably taken already. Trixie’s gonna do some kind of skateboarding thing, and even Ziggy is going to do some magic tricks! What can I do? I don’t want to just do dancing again. Everyone will expect that. It’s fun, but I want to do something _different_ …I just don’t know what.”

A strong hand rested warmly on her shoulder.

“You are a very talented girl, Stephanie. I think you would be great in the talent show! You just need to brainstorm a little and pick whatever you think will be the most fun to do—that’s what matters. Whatever you do, I know you will be great, so long as you give it your best.”

The girl was quiet for a moment before she gave another noncommittal shrug. Sportacus couldn’t help but frown at the child’s demeanor. Stephanie was always so happy and confident; it was concerning to see her so down and unlike herself. There had to be something he could do to bolster her confidence and cheer her back up.

The two walked quietly together for a few minutes, passing by city hall and the community bulletin board as they went. Sportacus noticed that one of the papers on display had caught his friend’s attention and stopped, glad to see her distracted from her negative ruminating for the moment. He looked up at the board, curious to see what had grabbed Stephanie’s attention.

“Oh wow. Look, Sportacus,” she said as she pointed to a flyer that looked a lot newer than the majority of other papers around it.

He leaned in to get a better look at the advertisement. In the corner of the flyer was a black-and-white image of what looked like three people expertly gliding on ice skates. One was doing some sort of twirl while a male figure was lifting a female into the air above his head. It was pretty. Above the figures, in a beautiful sweeping font, read _Figure Skating Competition_.

“There is an ice skating rink in town?” Sportacus asked in bewilderment as he glanced over the short summary listing various categories, participation fees, and deadlines.

“Well…kind of? It’s _technically_ in Lazy Town, but it’s so far out that I forgot it was there,” Stephanie admitted. “Uncle Milford said it was closed down for years, but I guess it must be open now. We should go sometime. Oh, it says the competition is in two months! We should go watch it! I bet it’d be a lot of fun to see all the skaters.”

Sportacus only partially heard what Stephanie said after that. How had he lived in Lazy Town so long and not realized that there was an ice skating rink so close by? Regardless, he knew about the rink _now_ and he couldn’t help but let his mind wander for a moment. He had always wanted to learn to skate as a child. Watching the older children enjoy themselves on the frozen ponds and creeks back home had always been a treat, but he had never gotten the opportunity to actually try it himself. After being shunted into more terrestrial sports like aerobics and strength training, the graceful beauty of figure skating had slowly leeched from his memory. Until now. It was a shame he had never learned all those years ago. It had looked like so much fun.

“Sportacus?”

He blinked, realizing that the girl was speaking to him. “Oh. Sorry, Stephanie. What did you say?”

“I asked if you wanted to go see the skating competition with me. We could get everyone to go. It would be fun, almost like a vacation trip. Maybe we can even invite Robbie! We haven’t seen him a lot lately…maybe he’d be willing to go if we told him we were just going to _watch_ instead of actually skating!”

That _did_ sound like a fun day. And he rather missed seeing Robbie around town, too. Though, the hero would much rather partake in festivities than simply watch them. Sportacus was silent for a moment before an uncharacteristically sly smile spread across his face. He knelt down in front of the girl and rested a hand on his knee as he leaned in like he had an exquisite secret to tell. Stephanie looked a little confused about what was going on.

“I have an even better idea,” the town hero offered. “How about we make a _deal_?”

Stephanie wrinkled her nose. “A deal?”

“Yes. If _you_ enter the school talent show, _I_ will enter the figure skating competition.”

Stephanie rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest. “That’s not fair. I bet you’d win hands down! You’re good at _everything_ , Sportacus. I’m not. That’s not a fair deal at all.”

“Not necessarily,” Sportacus replied with a chuckle. “Would it make a difference if I told you that I have never been ice skating before?”

“I…wait, really? Not ever?”

Sportacus flashed an amused smile. “Not ever. If you enter the talent show, I’ll learn how to ice skate and you’ll get to watch me compete. I’m willing to learn something new if you are willing to put yourself out there and do your best at school. So, what do you say?” he asked, offering Stephanie his hand.

The girl considered the idea for a moment. Her usual jubilant smile quickly returning to her face as she took her friend’s hand and gave it a hard shake. “Deal!”

A gentle feeling comparable to a jolt of fuzzy static electricity ran up Sportacus’ arm. The deal was made, and it would be the easiest, perhaps most enjoyable deal he had ever entered.

“Deal it is, then!” Sportacus cheered before standing up. “What do you say we get you home? I bet your uncle is wondering what is taking us so long. I can’t have him thinking I’m an unreliable sitter.”

Stephanie rolled her eyes with a theatrical wave of her hands. “I don’t even know why I need a sitter in the first place. I’m almost ten already!”

Sportacus laughed as he patted his young friend on the shoulder. “You _are_ quite capable, but it makes your uncle feel better knowing you have someone to look out for you. Besides, it’s an excuse to have even more fun with my best friend every day!”

“ _Well, that’s_ true,” Stephanie laughed. She struck a pose, whooshing her arms and legs to copy Sportacus’ signature move, and took off running toward home. “So let’s go!” she called back to her friend. “Come on, Sportacus! We have to tell Uncle Milford about the talent show!”

Sportacus shook his head in amusement and hurried after her. In the morning, he would have to see about acquiring a pair of ice skates. This was going to be fun!


	2. In Which Sportacus Falls Down…a Lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot the cover art in the last chapter! Aw snap!  
> Imma go add it in a second, so if you're into that kind of thing, snap back a chapter to take a look!

With the children in school for the day, Sportacus decided it was the perfect time to take his first steps toward learning how to figure skate. So, after his morning routine, the hero went to visit the mysterious skating arena on the outskirts of town. He reluctantly had to admit that the entire undertaking was rather intimidating and he was secretly glad that the children weren’t there so that he could have a bit of privacy while trying to learn what he hoped would soon become his newest favorite hobby. He was excited, nervous, but mostly, he was determined not to let Stephanie down. They had a deal, after all, and he knew that she had been compiling a list before school that morning of things she might be able to do for her entry in the talent show. Now it was his turn to hold up his end of their bargain.

The arena was beautiful. The building looked like it was made from a giant pearl the way it glistened in the morning sunshine. _LazyTown Ice Arena_ shimmered in glittery gold lettering over the entrance, each letter shadowed by an artistic splash of purple. The main doors were just as lavish and bookended by graceful silhouettes reminiscent of those Sportacus had seen on the competition flyer. The hero smiled up at the cheery, welcoming building and headed inside. He found his way to the front counter where a young lady was waiting with a smile and possibly the best posture that Sportacus had ever seen.

“Welcome to LazyTown Ice Arena. How may I help you?” she asked with a bright smile.

“May I rent a pair of ice skates?” Sportacus asked, more nervous than he had expected now that he was here. “I-I’m afraid I don’t have a pair of my own.”

“Of course. What size?”

“I’m…oh. I…I’m not sure, actually,” the hero admitted with an embarrassed smile, suddenly realizing that he both he wasn’t sure how different shoe sizes might be between countries and that he hadn’t purchased any footwear in a very long time.

“That is no problem,” the girl replied in her near-monotone voice. A thin panel popped out of the bottom of the counter, showing two foot-shaped outlines. “Just stand on the sensors and we can find the correct size for you.”

Sportacus shrugged and did as he was told, intrigued at how high-tech this skating rink seemed to be. A soft ding was heard from somewhere behind the counter a few seconds later.

“Thank you. Step off the plate, please.”

Again, Sportacus followed her instructions. The platform disappeared back into the base of the rental counter with a soft _shwoop_ and the young lady turned to fetch the appropriate pair of skates. Her movements were stiff but precise and she soon presented Sportacus with a pair of black skates that looked like they were going to be a perfect fit.

“Thank you! How much are they?”

“There is no charge for skate rentals or rink use before nine AM,” she replied. “Please enjoy your stay at LazyTown Ice Arena.”

Sportacus, pleasantly surprised, thanked her again and grabbed his skates. He headed toward a pair of nearby double doors that indicated the entrance to the rink itself. The girl did not respond to his words. She stayed where she was, staring straight ahead with her usual smile as she waited for the next customer to arrive. After taking a personal moment to celebrate stepping inside the sparkling building in the first place, Sportacus pushed the doors open.

The air beyond the double doors was chilled, but not as severely as he had expected. Sportacus had only seen ice skating done outside before, so the controlled environment was a bit of a comfort for his first time. If nothing else, he at least didn’t have to worry about encountering any thin or terribly uneven surfaces while he learned. There was barely anyone out on the ice—not surprising for the hour—so he would have plenty of room to do just that. He sat on one of the many benches surrounding the rink and took off his boots to slip on his ice skates on for the first time.

They felt strange on his feet, having less room than he had expected, particularly in the ankles. The snug feeling filled him with excitement as he finished lacing them. He was really here, he was doing this, and he would finally get to go ice skating like he had always wanted to as a boy. Sportacus slapped his hands decisively on the bench before standing up. He promptly lost his balance upon the thin blades and stumbled sideways. The hero splayed his arms out awkwardly and managed to catch himself, but quickly realized that he had managed to forget one very important fact: he was balancing on two thin blades now, not the soles of firmly planted boots. This might be a bit more difficult than he had anticipated. Oh well. Sportacus was always up for a good challenge, and there was no turning back now.

He took a deep breath and carefully made his way toward the door to the rink.

***

The spoon swirled lazily in the lavender mug. There was a pause. Another packet of sugar emptied into the dark mixture and the spoon resumed it path, clinking against the ceramic walls now and again. A very tired Robbie Rotten set the spoon aside and took his warm chocolatey, caffeinated drink over to the window that spread across the entire back wall of the sparsely decorated room. If he was still going to be awake from a long night of tinkering and paper filing, he might as well attempt to find something to occupy his attention while his body tried to relearn how to function for the next few hours. He sat down on the ledge under the window and looked out over the ice skating rink below. _His_ rink.

At least, it was now. He had been more than a little surprised when he had gotten the news about inheriting the property, particularly since he hadn’t spoken to anyone in his family in years. He had been apprehensive about owning the business, but Robbie eventually decided to keep the property rather than sell it. It had taken him a long time to decide whether he should turn it into something new or try to fix the place up and reopen but, in the end, he had gone with the latter. Even now he wasn’t entirely sure why. Maybe it was some sense of familiarity, maybe his persistent self-loathing. Either way, he was open for business now.

Really, though, he knew that deep down—despite everything—he just didn’t want to see the place rot away to nothing. He may be lazy, but at least he had his pride. His standards, lax as they were, hadn’t allowed him to let the once-prestigious arena stay in such a sorry state. On and off for the past two years he had slowly fixed the place up and— _finally_ —reopened it. So far, the business was a mild success and he had to admit that he enjoyed visiting the place as an alternative to staying  in his lair all the time. Variety was the spice of life after all, or so they said. It certainly helped that the local brat brigade couldn’t be heard all the way out here, making his cushy office a perfect place for napping on his bright purple shag couch…when he could sleep at all, that was.

Robbie tiredly looked out at the few patrons who were skating down below as he tried to get his exhausted eyes to focus. It was mostly a sparse, older clientele at this time of day, so there wasn’t too much activity to worry yet. To be honest, Robbie hated opening at so early an hour, but being a business owner demanded sacrifices. Sacrifices like limiting the morning interaction menu for his front desk. Maybe giving out free skates so early meant he would lose a few pennies, but it nearly guaranteed he wouldn’t have to climb out of bed at an ungodly hour to fix an overheated or malfunctioning host. On days where he wasn’t already up from the night before, anyway.

Robbie yawned. Well, it could be worse. Thankfully most of the town’s citizens were either at work or in school at this hour, and that made it the perfect time for Robbie to visit the rink and unwind after a long night of scheming. With his drooping eyes dancing across the rink, h took a sip of his delicious cocoa-infused coffee only to sputter and cough, nearly spraying the liquid everywhere when he caught sight of someone familiar entering the rink. He would recognize that blue outfit anywhere.

His grip on the mug tightened, his teeth clenching. “ _Sportacus_ ,” he growled disdainfully as he watched the elf stepped out onto the ice.

Wonderful. What had begun to evolve into his private sanctuary _away_ from the bouncing blue elf and his gaggle of noisy disciples had already been invaded! If Sportacus had begun visiting the arena, those annoying and _loud_ brats wouldn’t be too far behind. His safe haven was _ruined_! Robbie was furious, and it took a little too much effort to set his mug down without slamming it down on the ledge.

“How _dare_ he come here and skate around like he owns the place. _I_ own the place! I have to find a way to…” Robbie trailed off as he watched something he would never see in his life.

Sportacus fell down.

He fell, right on his face, limbs splayed out like something out of a Saturday morning cartoon. Robbie could only stare in disbelief. He tried not to blink, convinced that if he did, the scene would evaporate the moment he broke visual connection. His eyelids fluttered and proved his fears to be false; no, the stupid hero was still there, still sprawled out like a coyote who couldn’t quite catch the beeping bird of its desire. Sportacus pulled himself up, grabbing for the rink wall as he attempted to get back on his feet. The elf’s skates slipped forward. His legs kicked out in a desperate attempt to get some sort of traction, and he fall backward. Right onto his behind. Robbie Rotten howled in delighted amusement. The villain could _not_ believe his eyes.

“ _Ha!_ ” he cried in awed delight. “Sportaflop can’t skate!”

It was in that moment that Robbie’s morning went from ordinary to absolutely extraordinary. Sportacus faceplanting into the ice, Robbie realized, was just the beginning of the day’s fun.

“The fool couldn’t stay on his feet if his life _depended_ on it!” he laughed, just barely able to hear Sportacus’ attest cry of surprised dismay when he lost his balance and took yet another tumble.

Robbie had to set his drink aside while he enjoyed the free entertainment; he was laughing too much too often to afford being caught mid-sip. The elf’s pathetic display was just too much for him to handle. By the time Sportacus managed to make his way a mere five feet down the length of the wall, Robbie’s sides were screaming in agony from his roaring laughter. The villain tumbled to the floor in another fit of laughter when Sportacus’ nose smashed into the ice for the sixth time in two minutes—he had counted.

Robbie laid there for some time, trying to catch his breath and allow his aching muscles some reprieve. This was the best day he could remember having for a very long time. And it was barely past ten o’clock. If only he had a camera on hand, this would have been _the_ perfect day.

“Oh! Oh, Sportacrash…ah, I needed that,” he finally breathed before chuckling anew, wincing at the pain in his abdomen when he did “Oh, I hope I don’t die laughing…b-but if there’s any way to go aside from death by chocolate…oh, this is it!”

After a few minutes to calm down and some panful effort, Robbie managed to sit up again. He dared to peer out over the ice, trying to keep himself from laughing from the sheer anticipation alone. Sportacus was, yet again, in the middle of getting his bearings. He leaned heavily against the rink wall as he focused his eyes on the door up ahead with every ounce of willpower his being could spare. Cautiously, the muscular man moved a calculated foot forward. His skate slid backward. He went down almost immediately and Robbie just howled.

The villain pressed his face against his office window for support while he tried to regain his composure all over again. Robbie wasn’t sure how long the hero tired to fight gravity, but it was long enough that Robbie was actually growing tired from all the laughing, knee slapping, and general excitement at seeing his nemesis fail over and over again. He watched Sportacus have to practically crawl to the door to get off the ice and Robbie found, to his unyielding delight, that even _off_ the ice the stupid elf was wobbling terribly. This _had_ to be the first time his opponent had put on skates; there was no other explanation for such a sorry display. Robbie watched as Sportacus managed to make it to the nearest bench, sit down, and get the accursed equipment off his feet. The show was over. As much as he would miss seeing Sportasplat crash, even Robbie has to admit that he needed a break from such intense entertainment. For his lungs’ sake.

The only tarnished lining to such a perfect day was that Robbie hadn’t been aware of the bouncing blue baboon’s tremendous shortcoming before now! He could have challenged Sportacus to an ice skating race or something and gotten rid of the man for good ages ago! He doubted there was any way that he could convince Sportacus to any kind of skating contest with him _now_ , though, what with the elf well-knowing his obvious and embarrassing limitations, so that was an enormous opportunity missed. But, in the moment, Robbie didn’t seem to mind all too much. The spectacle had just been too funny for him to be upset about anything right now.

Robbie watched as Sportacus went and gathered up his regular boots and took his skates back out toward the front desk. Yes, the show was definitely over for the day. He doubted that he would be seeing the elf come back through that hallway again. Thank heavens he hadn’t missed such a beautiful performance. For once, his horrible insomnia and erratic work schedule had been worth the trouble, bestowing a gift upon him that he knew would never be topped in his lifetime. He released a content sigh, a huge smile stretching from ear to ear. It had been a beautiful morning, but that was the end of that.

At least, that’s what he had thought.

To Robbie’s amazement, the daft elf came back to the rink the following day. Robbie’s lungs had never gotten such a workout. Sportacus didn’t fare any better on his blades that day than his first trip to the arena and Robbie enjoyed every second of it. Thrilled, he donned a quick disguise to go down to the stands and get a better view of the action. He knew he should be at least mildly worried about the flippy-floppy man invading his hideaway for the second time in so many days, but right now he just wanted a better view of the walking disaster that was the town hero. He grabbed a few things from his closet and some miscellaneous accessories from inside his office desk, and he was off.

Robbie soon sat in the stands with a bag of chocolates sitting to his left and a large bowl of fresh popcorn on his right. He wore a bushy beard and matching mustache along with a long navy coat and complimentary trilby with white trim. He slung one leg over and other and sat back to watch as Sportacus let out a cry and crashed down to the ice once again. Robbie snorted and, grinning with all of his might, tossed some popcorn into his mouth. This was so much fun it should be illegal.

“Careful out there,” he called teasingly. “Looks kind of slick!”

Sportacus looked up for the source of the shout and offered the stranger a friendly smile. “So I’ve noticed!” he laughed before grabbing for the rink wall to haul himself back up again before he slid down into an accidental split.

The blue elf man’s relentless determination was admirable. Also incredibly hilarious. Robbie popped another candy into his mouth and sat back, getting comfortable in the stands. The show lasted nearly half an hour more before Sportacus threw in the towel and managed to get himself off the ice, not that he was in any way adept in the exercise.

“Practice not working out too well for ya?” Robbie asked with a smirk as he watched Sportacus take off his skates a few rows down from where he sat.

“I think I’m getting a little better,” the elf said over his shoulder, “But anything worth doing requires hard work and a lot of practice!”

The villain rolled his eyes. Even with no kids around the town hero was spouting off little life lessons. Good grief.

“I hate to break it to you,” Robbie said perhaps a bit too bluntly, “But that didn’t look like _better_ to me. I’m surprised you’re not a giant walking bruise after that.”

Sportacus chuckled as he got to his feet, much steadier now that he was wearing his regular boots again. “I’m not particularly looking forward to seeing how terrible my poor skin must look under these clothes,” he admitted with a good natured shrug. “But thank you very much for your concern.”

Concern? Robbie was certain that Sportacus was the densest person he knew, and that was saying something, considering the town’s residents. He huffed and rolled his eyes yet again. He briefly wondered if Sportacus really _was_ concerned with any bruising…and also feeling a bit guilty over it for reasons unknown.

“It was nice to meet you,” Sportacus continued, oblivious to Robbie’s apathy toward his efforts. “Do you come here often?”

“You could say that.”

“This is a very nice arena, don’t you think?” Sportacus asked as he looked around the cavernous room. “I can’t believe I didn’t know about it until now. I’m glad I found out about it. It’s lovely.”

Robbie smiled, lounging back and taking in the praise for his establishment. “Yes,” he agreed, “It _is_ rather nice if I do say so myself.”

“Well,” Sportacus said as he picked up his rentals, “If you come here often, then maybe I will see you tomorrow!”

Robbie blinked and snapped forward again. “Wait, you’re coming back _again_?” he nearly shouted in disbelief.

Sportacus shrugged. “Of course. I still need more practice. Well, I hope you have a wonderful day. Good-bye,” he said before striking his signature pose and dashing off in his usual fashion.

Robbie sat back in a surreal haze and glanced down at his empty bag of candy. “ _Hmm_.” The villain sat there quietly for a few seconds before murmuring “Guess I’ll need to stock up on more snacks, then.” 


	3. In Which Robbie Gets Some Distressing News

Alright, so ice skating wasn’t going as well as he had hoped. Sportacus had been practicing at the rink for three days now with no real improvement, as far as he could tell. But that was fine. He still had two whole months to get better, the hero reminded himself. Somehow, though, that thought  just made him feel even more guilty for taking a Saturday morning jog through the town instead of being back at the rink. Even if he did ‘go on patrol’ every week at the same time for his usual routine. He would practice some more today—he swore he would—but right now Sportacus just wanted to give his lingering bruises some extra time to heal before he added any new ones.

The man glanced over at the sports field as he passed by. A smile automatically overtook his lips when he spotted the bouncing flash of pink just beyond the hedges. Stephanie. Maybe he could spare a _few_ minutes to see his friend this morning. He veered toward the park.

“Hey, Stephanie,” Sportacus greeted as he landed near the girl after coming out of one of the multiple flips he took to get there. “Hi, Stingy. What are you two up to?”

“Hi, Sportacus! We’re just waiting for Pixel so we can start practicing.”

“Oh?” the man asked curiously. “What are you practicing?”

Stephanie beamed. “For the talent show!” she announced. “We’re going to do a _double dutch routine_!

Sportacus looked outright ecstatic at the news, barely able to keep himself from jumping for joy over how creative Stephanie’s routine could be having chosen such a framework. “That’s _great_ , Stephanie! And it sounds like a lot of fun. Double dutch is a wonderful choice for the talent show. I know you’ll all do great.”

“It’s mostly Stephanie’s act, though!” Pixel called as he finally arrived at the field. “Me and Stingy are just doing the jump rope parts for her.”

“It’s _my_ routine,” Stingy corrected. “We’re using _my_ jump ropes for it.”

Stephanie rolled her eyes and gave a disapproving shake of her head. “ _Stingy!_ ” she sighed. “It’s _everyone’s_ routine! Not just you or me. We’re _all_ helping!”

Sportacus nodded in agreement, unable to hide his proud smile at hearing his young friend’s mature words. “That’s wright. You can’t play double Dutch without people moving the ropes, and it’s harder than a lot of people think it is. But, I know you’re _all_ going to do a great job. Especially if you’re already practicing. I can’t wait to see you perform!”

“What about _you_ , Sportacus?” the pink-haired girl asked, figuring it was a good time for a change in subject, judging by how tightly Stingy’s lips were pursed together. “How’s the skating going?”

“Skating?” the two boys asked in unison.

“Yeah! Sportacus is entering the figure skating competition in a couple months. Right, Sportacus?”

The hero’s eyes darted between the three children as he suppressed the small bolt of panic that had zapped down his spine like a flash of lightning. None of them seemed to notice his discomfort while they waited for an answer.

“I…well, it is going,” he chucked nervously. “It is not as easy as I expected, but I think I am getting a little bit better…”

Sportacus wasn’t entirely sure how accurate those words were, but he was certainly _hoping_ that he was improving, even if it didn’t yet feel like it. Oh, he hoped he was actually getting better somehow and he just couldn’t see it due to personal bias. He really hoped.

“That’s great! Maybe I can come and watch you practice sometime?” Stephanie asked.

Simultaneous feelings of fear and joy swirled inside the man. He was glad that he had such involved and supportive friends, particularly little Stephanie, but at the same time he wasn’t sure if he was ready to unveil his spectacularly wanting abilities to them just yet. Then again, he knew it would only be so long before the children would finally end up seeing his skills, or lack thereof, first hand.

“Y-yeah,” he heard himself reply after an eternity of a second. “B-but you should focus on practicing for _your_ competition first. You’ll be performing before I do, after all!”

The girl, much to Sportacus’ relief, nodded in agreement. He mentally congratulated himself on such a crafty, yet honest diversion from the conversation’s focus.

“I guess you’re right. You’ve got months…but the talent show is in only a couple weeks!”

It wasn’t until the muscles in his arms relaxed that he realized how tense he had been discussing ice skating with the children. At least the conversation seemed to be over. Although, now that Stingy and Pixel knew about his promise to Stephanie, everyone else would know soon, too. He would have to improve quickly if he was going to save himself from the impending embarrassment. He was supposed to be their role model…oh, how he didn’t want to so much as _picture_ how disappointed they would be seeing him fall over and over again. He did not want to see the looks of disappointment on their sweet, young faces.

“So,” Sportacus continued, if a little too loudly, “What ideas do you have for your double Dutch routine?”

Stephanie shrugged.

“We haven’t decided yet,” Pixel answered, “But I think we should use Stephanie’s awesome song for it!” The boy hit a button on the gadget attached to his wrist and a familiar, bubbly tune began to dance into the air. “It’s like her signature!”

The girl’s cheeks began to match her hair as she heard her own voice begin to twirl around the group like a gentle breeze. Sportacus’ face held a smile a mile wide as he patted her shoulder.

“I think _Bing Bang_ would be an excellent song to use. Even if you decide that you want to change it later, it might help you figure out what you want to do for your act while you practice. If it inspires you, you should use it!”

The child gave a shy smile. “Thanks, Sportacus.”

“Well, I shouldn’t hold you all from practicing, and I guess I should be doing some practicing of my _own_ right now! I’ll see you all tomorrow, alright?” The hero struck his usual pose and disappeared in the direction of the skating arena.

“Bye, Sportacus!”

“Bye!”

“See you tomorrow!”

“Okay,” Stephanie sighed once her friend was out of sight. “I _do_ have a couple ideas about what we could do, but I kind of just want to practice some easier tricks for today while we all get the hang of things. Is that okay?”

“Sure! Stingy and I’ve got to get used to our parts, too, so we don’t trip you up. We’ve _all_ got to practice!”

“Then let’s practice!” Stingy insisted as he reluctantly handed Pixel one end of his long ropes. “…Just don’t mess up _my_ jump rope.”

***

“Where _is_ he?” Robbie grumbled as he picked at the already half-finished bucket of popcorn in his lap. “No consideration for other people’s busy schedules. _Humph_! Some hero.”

He had expected Sportacus to be here ages ago.  Maybe the elf had finally given up his silly ambitions of embarrassing himself on the ice. Pity, really. Robbie had made a special trip to stock up on more popcorn, too. He’d even gotten some of the fancy flavored stuff. The villain sighed and started gathering up his things just as he caught sight of something blue out of the corner of his eye. The hero strode in—humming no less—and took a seat on a bench close to the rink door to change his footwear. Robbie did his best to suppress a preemptive giggle as he watched the back of Sportacus’ head.

“Back again?” he called from where he sat.

Sportacus looked up and smiled when he recognized the stranger from the day before. “Oh, yes. Of course I’m back; I have a lot of work ahead of me.”

“You could say that again,” Robbie mumbled to himself before calling back to his nemesis with “Well, I’m glad to see you haven’t given up yet!” It _was_ true, after all. He was already debating going to get some snack refills before the real fun began.

“I am not one to give up very easily,” Sportacus chuckled. “I won’t let a little bit of difficulty stop me. Besides, I think I’m starting to get the hang of it.”

Robbie couldn’t keep his snort at bay, but tried to hide it to keep up his almost-friendly ruse. “Oh yeah,” he agreed while hoping that Sportacus wouldn’t pick up on the massive ball of sarcasm being lobbed in his direction, “I’d wager that in a month or so you’ll be able to stay up for an entire three minutes.”

The look on Sportacus’ face was priceless. The elf looked like he wasn’t sure if he should be accepting an offer of encouragement or deflecting an insult. The town hero settled on giving the man a hesitant smile and a shrug to try and brush off his own self-doubt. Robbie loved watching the expressive journey written on Sportacus’ face.

“I hope that I can stay upright far sooner than that,” Sportacus joked to return the mood to its prior heights. “Would you like to join me?”

The offer caught Robbie off-guard and he felt himself flounder for a moment. He didn’t know how to respond to such an invitation. It wasn’t until then that he realized just how long it had been since he had been on the ice himself. He might own the skating arena, but that didn’t mean he had utilized any of it since his inheritance. Or even years prior to it.

“Uh…no thanks. I’m good where I am.”

“Are you sure?” Sportacus asked. “It’s fun. It has to be more fun than coming to an ice skating rink only to sit on the sidelines.”

Robbie frowned. Oh, that was just rude…probably payback for his three-minute comment, no doubt. Maybe he deserved it, then. Whatever. How on earth was Sportacus having _fun_ falling down and hurting himself over and over again, anyway? What was he, a masochist?

“Just, uh…taking a break,” he lied. “I was skating earlier, before you got here.” Perfect cover.

“Alright, but if you would like to join me, I wouldn’t mind the company!” the perpetually-smiling man offered before standing up and carefully making his way to the edge of the rink on wobbling ankles.

At least he was getting better at walking on regular flooring. On the ice, though, Robbie was happy to find there was little difference from the day before. He grinned and sat back, tossing another handful of overly buttered popcorn into his mouth. Amazingly, it looked like Sportacus _was_ getting a little better. The elf could now stand still without _immediately_ crashing to the ground; he could last even a whole five seconds. Maybe six if he really tried. Robbie chugged half of a soda bottle in celebration. Sportacus fell on his face again shortly after. While he could sometimes manage to stand on his own, apparently moving forward wasn’t a step the elf was ready for yet. Literally. The villain snorted in utter amusement and grinned as he watched the silly spectacle.

He was wrapped in the enjoyment of Sportacus’ disastrous show for some time before an unexpected flash of movement nearby caught Robbie’s attention. He was surprised to see the pink girl suddenly just a few feet away from him. Robbie instinctively checked to make sure all elements of his disguise were still in place. Wonderful. Another invasion into his sanctuary. The other brats had better not close behind.

Stephanie’s eyes were glued on Sportacus and Robbie stifled a laugh as he saw the slack-jawed look on the girl’s face. Watching her hero flop around like a dying fish was probably heartbreaking, and the visual as she realized just how _bad_ Sportacus was at a physical activity was just plain hilarious. Robbie crunched on another piece of popcorn, reveling in his dark comedy. It was at that moment Sportacus noticed the sudden appearance of pink as well, and promptly fell down while whipping his head around to make sure it was really Stephanie standing there.

“Sportacus!” she cried, running to the edge of the rink. “Are you okay?”

“I am fine, Stephanie,” the man answered, although he didn’t _sound_ fine. He grunted as he hauled himself back up with the wall’s help. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“Stingy took the jump ropes home, so since I couldn’t practice I thought I would come cheer you on,” she answered softly.

The hero smiled warmly. “That is very kind of you, Stephanie, but you shouldn’t come out here all by yourself. That was a long way to go alone. Next time, make sure an adult can take you, okay?”

Robbie rolled his eyes. Elsewhere that would be sound advice, but the most dangerous thing in LazyTown was its sole villain. And he was sitting _right here_! Besides, it wasn’t like he went out and attacked people on the street Even if he _was_ that evil, that sounded like a lot of wasted energy for no real reason other than ‘evil.’ Sportacus was clearly overreacting about the girl’s little trip to the edge of town.

“Okay,” Stephanie relented. “I’m sorry, Sportacus. I just really wanted to see how you were doing. I didn’t mean to interrupt you and make you fall.”

Robbie couldn’t help but notice that Sportacus’ cheeks looked a little pink. The elf didn’t like that his friend had come all the way to see him and he had nothing but failure to show her, but now that she _was_ here and had already seen him take at least one tumble, it looked like it was time for Sportacus to come clean about his lackluster adventures in the skating arena. The man took a deep breath and did his best not to lose his characteristic smile entirely.

“Don’t worry, Stephanie. Y-you didn’t make me fall. It wasn’t the first time and it certainly won’t be the last. I…have to admit, ice skating has proven to be much harder than I expected it to be. I’m afraid I am not very good at it yet.”

The child was in shock. “But you can do _anything_ , Sportacus! You’re a superhero!”

“Only a slightly above average hero,” he gently corrected. “I may be able to do a lot of things, Stephanie, but _nobody_ is perfect.”

Robbie snickered nearby.

The pink-haired girl was quiet for a moment, mulling things over. “You know, Sportacus,” she said slowly, “You don’t _have_ to enter the competition if you don’t want to. I’m really glad you’ve been working so hard at it, and I’m definitely going to be in the talent show now, so…”

The elf shook his head sternly. “No, Stephanie. I made you a promise. You have signed up for the talent show, so I will compete in the figure skating competition. Even if I am not good at it, I do not want to back out. I have to stick by my promise to you or my word means nothing. If I can’t skate, I can’t skate, but at least I’ll know I tried my best.”

Stephanie beamed at her hero, pride practically rolling off the girl in waves. “Okay, Sportacus. If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know, okay?”

“Thank you, Stephanie. I appreciate that.” Sportacus reached over the rink wall to pat his young friend on the shoulder.

Meanwhile, Robbie Rotten nearly choked on the piece of candy in his throat. His hacking and flailing caught the attention of the two friends and he quickly tried to look as inconspicuous as possible given that he sounded like he was dying. He looked away and quickly readjusted the beard and mustache on his face just before the crucial bit of costume fell off entirely.

“Are you alright?” Sportacus called up to him in concern.

That just upset Robbie even more. He stood up and stomped down toward the pair as Sportacus shakily left the ice, still looking worried.

“Do you mean to tell me that you’re _competing_ in the competition?” the tall man demanded loudly.

The elf and child exchanged confused glances and Sportacus nodded hesitantly. “Well, yes, I—”

“No. No no no no _no_ ,” Robbie interrupted, waving his hands as though he were directing invisible traffic between them. “ _No_. You’re _not_ competing like that, not under _this_ roof!”

The elf stared blankly at the sudden rage emanating from the stranger. “But wh—?”

“ _Because you can’t skate!_ You can’t skate at all! You can’t even stay on your feet! It’s an embarrassment! You can’t compete in a figure skating competition if you can’t _figure skate_!”

“But th-that’s why I’m practicing,” came Sportacus’ dumbfounded answer. The elf seemed to shrink in on himself as he spoke, his self-consciousness disrupting his usually perfect posture.

Robbie groaned, slapping his palm over his face in annoyance.

“B-besides,” Sportacus continued, “I’ve already signed up for it.”

The bearded man visibly tensed. He looked down at the pair through the gaps in his fingers before slowly peeling his hand away. “You…already…signed up?” he asked with wide eyes.

“Yes. Yesterday. They said there were only so many spaces available and I wanted to make sure that I—”

“ _Oh no_ ,” Robbie whined to himself, gripping his hat in desperation as he tried to think of a way out of this mess.

He couldn’t have this. But what could he do? He was stuck. Sportaflunk was going to be seen by everyone coming to visit his arena for the competition, his big debut to the rest of the skating world. And they were going to see _this_ man flop around on the ice like a newborn fawn stuck in the middle of a lake. He had to do something. He had to prevent such an embarrassment from happening. He would have to get rid of Sportacus, find a way to get him out of town once and for all, or at least have him indisposed for the duration of the competition. Yes, that might work. But _no_ , the competition was too far out to be able to incapacitate him early. Too many variables, too many things might backfire and he couldn’t risk having that happen, couldn’t risk having them _see!_ He had to think of something quickly.

Sportacus glanced at Stephanie for a moment before looking back up at the man in front of him. The man was still clutching his hat, practically pulling the accessory down over his eyes. Sportacus was sure that the gentleman was having some kind of episode, but he wasn’t sure what to do to help. The silence was making he and his friend a little nervous.

“Uh…sir?” he ventured. “Are you alright?”

“ _Yes!_ ” Robbie cried abruptly when Sportacus’ words finally registered a full two seconds later. He watched the pair in front of him jump at his shout and he quickly tried to compose himself, brush off his overcoat a bit before puffing out his chest. “Clear your calendar,” he ordered.

Sportacus stared at him in confusion.

“You’re to report here _every day_ until the competition, you got it?” Robbie snapped.

“Well, I have been trying to come whenever I—”

“ _Every_. Day.” The villain adjusted his hat and began to walk away, retreating back toward his office. “You start your training tomorrow! Two o’clock sharp!” he called back.

Stephanie and Sportacus watched him go, a few seconds passing before they realized what had just happened. Sportacus’ eyes grew in sudden understanding. “Oh.” Then, louder, so the other man could hear him, “I will be there! I…thank you! Thank you very much!”

The man’s hat almost looked like it was trying to melt into his shoulders as he went. Robbie grumbled to himself in disgust at what he had just done, but the two friends watching him leave were none the wiser.

Stephanie looked up at her hero. “Sportacus! You’re gonna have a coach! A real skating coach!” she cried excitedly.

“It appears so,” he agreed with a laugh. “That was certainly unexpected. What a nice man.” He shook his head, thinking. “I don’t know what it is about him, but he seems _familiar_.” Had he seen the gentleman somewhere around town before, perhaps? Maybe he would remember to ask him tomorrow.

The girl nodded excitedly, not really hearing her friend’s musings. “Yeah, and I bet now you’ll get super good super fast. You’re gonna do great in the competition, I just know it!”

“I guess we’ll see soon enough.”

“Yeah, like tomorrow!”

Sportacus chuckled. “Yes, perhaps tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates. Been working on my Camp NaNoWriMo project and dealing with a long parade of "real life" nonsense that's gone back as far as Memorial Day and will probably be lasting another month or so at the least. Fun times.


	4. In Which Sportacus’ Training Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are slow coming, I know.   
> Trying to get better. Working on a daily/weekly schedule thing...updates on twitter and tumblr

Sportacus could hardly contain his excitement as he vaulted into the skating arena the following afternoon.  He had been jittery all morning waiting for two o’clock to roll around so he could begin his lessons. His stretches that morning—the elf’s equivalent to daily meditation—had been a distracted mess and didn’t leave him feeling nearly as relaxed or energized as they usually did. Instead, the hero felt incredibly nervous and keenly aware of how clammy his palms felt. He wanted to learn, yes, but he also wanted to make a good impression with his new tutor. Though kind enough to engage Sportacus in idle chit-chat, the man—now his coach—seemed to on the critical side of things and he didn’t want to be an automatic disappointment. The hero quickly visited with the young lady at the front desk, idly wondering if she ever got a day off with how often she seemed to be there, and picked up his usual pair of skates. With a deep, calming breath, Sportacus tried to steady himself as he approached the rink and scanned the area for his instructor.

***

Why was he doing this?

That was the only question on Robbie’s mind as he left his lair and trudged out toward the arena at the ungodly hour of one in the afternoon. Why had he told Sportacus to arrive so early? The villain must have lost his mind; that was the only explanation for all this. Sheer madness. Madness and pride.

Robbie couldn’t let the town, the judges, the competitors from _across the region_ …he couldn’t let them see the pathetic display that Sportacus had been flaunting on the ice over the past few days. He _refused_ to have that kind of pathetic nonsense associated with his arena, with his debut competition. He had enough stigmas glued to his back already and he didn’t need Sportaloser to give him one more. As much fun as it was to watch the overly-athletic man make a fool of himself in relative privacy, Robbie could not let it happen on such a grand scale when _his_ family name was on the line.

_Ugh_. Family name. He really must have gone insane if he cared about _that_ all of a sudden. Robbie had changed his surname years ago just to distance himself from them, yet here he was wanting to hold up some kind of legacy he had—or _thought_ he had—abandoned what felt like eons ago. The thin man ran a hand through his perfectly manicured hair and replaced his hat.

He could still turn around and go home, right? No, no he couldn’t…and that was the whole problem. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place and he knew for a fact it was his own stupid fault. No. No, it wasn’t. It was _Sportacus’_ fault. The man could perform any physical feat one could imagine, yet he couldn’t _ice skate_. And he insisted on showing the world. It was _his_ fault, not Robbie’s. As usual, his woes were entirely the stupid blue elf’s fault. No wonder Robbie hated him and his stupid perfect smile. Who _smiled_ like that all the time, anyway?

At least mentally complaining to himself and ruminating over how much he hated the situation turned out to be a decent way to pass the time, because Robbie soon found himself staring up at the sign for the Lazy Town Ice Arena. Before his inheritance it had held some fancy, frilly, professional name that his parents had come up with, but Robbie hadn’t seen the point in continuing _that_ legacy, and instead decided to go with something a little more simple and accessible to the public. This place was his now anyway, not theirs. Despite the ever-present reminders of his past that permeated the very walls of the cleaning structure before him. Robbie grumbled as he walked inside.

The elf was already there, he discovered. Lovely. Not even time for him to try and calm down before having to deal with the stupid flippy-floppy man. How _else_ would his luck be, after all? Robbie made sure his disguise was still immaculate before striding up behind Sportacus where he sat on the end of the bench waiting and bouncing his legs, from nerves or the inability to be still, Robbie didn’t know.

“It’s not two o’clock yet,” Robbie snapped in annoyance.

Sportacus jumped and sprang to his feet, spinning to face his new coach with the grandest, brightest smile the villain had ever seen. It made Robbie almost want to hit him.

“I’m sorry, I just did not want to be late,” Sportacus said quickly before extending his hand. “I want to thank you again for off—”

“Pick up your skates and come with me,” Robbie ignored the man’s hand completely as he grumbled and walked straight past the elf and the nearby door to the ice rink itself. He, instead, headed toward a hallway on the far side of the rink without a further word to his new student.

Sportacus did a double take before picking up his pair of ice skates and hurrying  after his teacher. “Are we not going to go out on the ice?” he asked curiously.

Robbie almost laughed. “Even if you put those things on your feet you wouldn’t be skating. That’s the problem.”

Sportacus gave a small shrug as he reluctantly agreed, though he so wished he could offer some sort of protest. The elf may have been _trying_ to skate for the past week, but he certainly hadn’t been very successful. He looked around as Robbie lead him away from the skating rink, through some doors and down a wide hallway. Pictures and framed ribbons adorned the pale walls, all of them looking very impressive, though Sportacus’ attention was currently focused on the man ahead of him.

“I didn’t know this was back here,” Sportacus said as they went along. “We _are_ allowed back here, yes?”

“I certainly hope so. I own the place,” Robbie chortled.

Robbie’s guest blinked. “I…oh! I am sorry, I hadn’t realized! No wonder you are here so often, _ha_! Wow. It is an honor to know you have offered to help—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” the hero’s host snapped, perhaps a bit too quickly. “I’m not… _ugh_ …just come on.”

Sportacus nodded, getting the feeling that he had said something wrong, though he had no idea what that could have been. He had only been thanking the man for his generosity. It wasn’t every day that someone with such a passion for ice skating would take a random, struggling patron under their wing, after all. He shrugged, figuring it wasn’t something to really dwell on, and decided to take a look around as they walked along.

Along the walls on either side of them were pictures of various figure skaters, many of them the same man and woman, but occasionally also a boy, presumably their son. A number of pictures showed the people in various skating poses, some caught mid-spin or jumping, but many had one or more of the family holding up medals or trophies and smiling for the camera. Sportacus couldn’t help but think the child of the group—barely into his teens in the later photographs down the hall—had a smile that was a little too big, eyes a little too wide, almost like he was in pain. Sportacus knew smiles and these were _not_ true, happy smiles. They worried him. He wondered what had happened to make the boy hide behind such a mask, and if they were okay. He certainly hoped so. The hero’s thoughts were interrupted by his instructor throwing open a door at the end of the hall so forcefully that they hit the walls on the other side.

“You’ll be starting in here every day, so get used to the place now,” the man growled as he stepped aside for Sportacus to enter with him.

Sportacus beheld a room that felt instantly familiar. So much so that he couldn’t stop himself from smiling and bounce slightly in excitement, his skates falling to the floor beside him with a soft thud. “It’s a gym!”

“Can’t get anything past you,” Robbie muttered, folding his arms over his chest.

It wasn’t exactly the sort of gym the elf was used to using, but it was a gym nonetheless. A floor-to-ceiling mirror lined one wall of the room with what looked like a ballet bar extending from it. Nearby was what appeared to be some sort of ladder built into the wall itself. How interesting! There was an assortment of equipment stored about the room, including various weights, mats, yoga accessories, a balance beam, and a large shelving unit filled with wooden-looking objects and more equipment he didn’t always recognize. He felt like he was home.

“What are we going to do in here?” Sportacus asked excitedly.

Robbie looked his new pupil over. The stupid elf looked as happy as the sticky child would be if he were let loose in a candy store. The villain was borderline embarrassed to be in this room to begin with, much less with Sportacus around, but tried to hide his discomfort. He stood off to the side and nodded toward some of the more basic equipment.

“Start with stretches. You’re bouncier than any person _should_ be but you can’t stay upright on the ice to save your life. There’s a problem somewhere and I have to find where you’re screwing things up so you can fix it.”

Sportacus clapped his hands together in anticipation. “Well, alright!” he cried before jumping straight into what was usually his morning routine.

Robbie gagged behind the hero’s back at the show of pure enthusiasm for physical activity. It was disgusting and he couldn’t believe that he—he of _all people_ —was encouraging it. The stupid kangaroo didn’t need any additional exercising anyway, what with his constant flippity-flopping all over town, but the man was clearly lacking something _somewhere_ and Robbie was determined to find out what the problem was. His professional reputation depended on it and he would not be leaving any stone unturned. With a bit of effort, Robbie shoved the balance beam out and away from the wall and secured it in place.

“Get up.” Robbie ordered.

Eager to please, Sportacus hopped onto the beam and waited for further instruction. The ease at which he had jumped straight from the floor to the elevated surface made Robbie almost want to vomit. He crossed his arms over his chest and buried his jawline between his arched shoulders.

“Walk.” He watched. “Turn around. Walk.” Still no problems. “Go backwards. Other way now.” He sighed. “Walk across going sideways, like—yes, like that.” Still no issues.

Sportacus was by far the most physically adept person Robbie had ever known, so why on earth was he always falling on his stupid little rear end the second he put on his…? Wait, maybe that was the problem. Robbie left his pupil to wander back and forth over the beam while we went digging in a nearby shelf. He pulled out almost everything in his efforts to find the scraps kept in the back. He dragged them out, too.

“Get down.” Sportacus landed next to him. “Now strap these to your boots and do it again.”

He presented the elf with two short blocks of wood and pulled some ribbon out from a coat pocket. Sportacus stared at the items, but shrugged and went to work strapping them to his soles. After making sure they were secure, Sportscud jumped back up to the balance beam. And that’s when Robbie spotted it— _the wobble_. It was slight, so slight that the hero probably hadn’t even noticed it himself, but it was there. He grinned like he had just uncovered some kind of grand top secret information. He watched Sportacus repeat the routine and reveled in the look on the man’s face as they realized that the task was somehow more difficult than it had been a moment ago.

“You’re wearing those home, by the way.”

“I’m what?” Sportacus asked, looking up at his teacher.

Robbie nodded toward his boots. “Those. You’re wearing them the rest of the day. And tomorrow. When you get here I’ll give you some new ones.”

“New ones? I’m sure that these will last longer than—”

“ _Thinner_ ones,” Robbie clarified. “You’re already wobbling on those. No wonder you’re in danger of chipping a tooth on the ice if you can’t balance on a blade. You’re too used to using the entire flat of your foot when you run around with those brats of yours.” Robbie ignored Sportacus’ attempts at correcting his unfavorable terminology for the children. “If you’re going to make any headway you need to focus your weight into a smaller point and stay upright.”

The eureka-like expression on Sportacus’ face was priceless. He looked down at his feet in astonishment, like he was finally realizing how to use the things for the first time in his life. It was pathetic, really, but at least they could start to make some headway now. Whatever the case, Robbie felt secure in the fact that _he_ had been right, and had bested Sportacus in _something_ , even if just in secret.

“Today’ll be short,” Robbie added after a moment. “Tomorrow won’t be, so don’t get used to it. You need—”

“I will need to bring Stephanie with me tomorrow.”

Robbie glowered. “ _Why_?”

“Well, her uncle is very busy sometimes so I have been watching her after schools on Mondays, Wednesdays, and—”

The villain waved his arms in the air to try and get Sportkook to stop talking. He did _not_ want to hear everything on the elf’s daily itinerary. “ _Whatever_. Just make sure she stays out of the way. And she’s not allowed back here. She can wait for you out _there_.”

“But I can’t actually watch her if I’m—”

“You’ll see the ice tomorrow whether you want to or not,” Robbie assured him. “So long as she stays quiet and doesn’t interfere, she can stay. You’re _not_ using her to wiggle out of practice.”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that!” Sportacus replied with a grin, staring down at his teacher from where he still stood on the elevated beam. “Thank you…uh…” He blinked, a sudden flush of embarrassment showing up in his cheeks. “ _I am so sorry!_ I just realized that I somehow never got your name. How awful of me!” He flipped off of the beam and was shocked at how he rocked when he landed, wobbling on his wooden blocks and flinging his arms out at his sides to make sure he stayed upright.

Robbie made no attempt to hide his grin at his nemesis’ falter, but he quickly realized he needed to come up with an identity. He may _look the part_ by what _character_ had he been playing all this time? Robbie had been so focused on seeing Sportaflop fail that he had completely ignored his role! What kind of Master of Disguise _did_ something as heinous as that? No time for self-punishment now, he would scold himself later. Sportawobble needed an answer and he had already taken too long! The man racked his brain in a panic for a few seconds before he realized that Sportacus was looking at him with concern. No! He _was_ taking too long! Robbie spat out the first thing he could think of.

“Uh…Robin Róbertson!”

Oh no. Why had he said that? Robbie could feel his heart working itself into a frenzy. His name. His _real_ name. Why did the first thing he thought of have to be his _real_ name? No secret identity, no _secret_ anything. He had just blatantly outed himself in front of his enemy. There was no way that even a dope like Sportacus wouldn’t be able to see through—”

“Well, thank you, Mr. Róbertson,” Sportacus said warmly, grabbing Robbie’s hand and shaking it a little too firmly, a little too enthusiastically for the villain’s liking. His pupil’s eyes were practically sparkling. “I really appreciate everything you are doing for me!”

Wait. Did Sportacus just—? Was the elf _really_ that oblivious? Maybe Sportacus _didn’t_ know his real name. He never used it anymore. There hadn’t been a reason to in years. M-maybe this could work out after all if he was lucky.

The villain yanked his appendage away from the hero’s crushing grip and started trying to shake some feeling back into his fingers. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t mentioned it. And I mean that,” he grumbled softly, still thinking to himself, trying to play it cool while his heartbeat attempted to return to a more normal rhythm.

The blue-clad man laughed. “Well, I really appreciate everything you are doing for me, Mr. Róbertson. Whatever I can do to repay you for your kindness, please let me know.”

_You can leave town forever and never come back_ Robbie thought to himself. What he heard escape his lips, though, sounded more like “You can abandon the sorry display you’ve been flaunting for the past week and compete like an actual human being.”

Sportacus snorted in amusement. “Alright, deal,” he laughed, reaching out.

Robbie yanked his hand away. “Less shaking, more pacing. Get back up on that beam and go through it a few more times. Once you don’t look like you’re about to fall and break your neck you can start on the boxes.” He sighed at seeing the blank look in Sportacus’ eyes. “Jumping,” he explained. “That thing you do too much of already.”

“Oh!” Sportacus laughed, undeterred by Robbie’s— _Robin’s_ —playful jab.

Why had he agreed to this again?


End file.
